Feeling Defeated and Deflated

Today was long run day for me. More importantly I was scheduled for a 23k run, the longest run for me to date. I went into the run nervous but fairly confident. There really would be no reason for me not to be able to do this, I have, after all, run 5 half marathons, all with half decent times.

I had to start my long run after 9 a.m. which of course meant I would be running until close to midday. Not ideal for this runner who regularly wilts in the sun. Just my luck, it was a perfectly clear morning with a high U.V. For 12k all was good. From 12k to 16k I was a little tired and hot but not doing badly. But after 16k it fell apart. I had been in the sun for too long and I no longer had the drive to push myself. Essentially I felt myself quit. I am not a quitter but today I feel like I was. I did complete the 23k, but by the end I was doing more walking than running. My pace was a staggeringly slow 6:35 by the time I was done. I have gone from running half marathons, no walk breaks, with sub 5:50 paces. How can I now be this slow??? I know I am now taking walk breaks every three km to mimic water stations and breaks for the marathon. But really? 6:35? I don’t mind 6:35 and feeling good. But this was 6:35 and feeling like I wanted to fall down and cry. Oh, and did I mention I actually turned my watch off for five minutes to allow myself to stand under the shade of a tree?

I can make a million excuses for why this was an awful run, most notably a bit of heat exhaustion. But ultimately you have a job to do and you just have to get it done. While technically I got it done, it just doesn’t feel that way. I feel like I bailed and just didn’t have the mental strength to push myself past physical weakness, kind of a double whammy for a runner. I know good runs will come again, and I have to remind myself that I really enjoyed the first half of the run. But in the end…what a disappointment.

4 thoughts on “Feeling Defeated and Deflated

  1. Karla @ Run, Karla, Run!

    I’m so sorry. We’ve all been there and it’s so frustrating and disappointing. Sounds like it just wasn’t your day, for whatever reason. I remember one long run I had like that. Except I actually quit halfway through. Good on you for at least finishing the distance even if it meant walking and standing under a shady tree. You’ll get your groove back, for sure.

    1. kristi Post author

      I guess we all have to have those bad runs otherwise it would be easy and everyone could do it, right? Now I just have to get over the “mental hill” of running more that 21.1k and running it well.

  2. CathyH

    Kristi: We all have those days…sometimes more often than we want!
    I enjoyed your post on being thankful. I know for me that perserving and seeing the positives, looking beyond the physical on crummy days can lead to an even more enriching experience.
    Hang in there!

    1. kristi Post author

      Thanks Cathy. I am hoping to have a few good runs in the next couple of days to get the adrenaline going again!


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